Today wasn’t a great day. Aeryn had a really hard time, from the moment she got up, really. It took over an hour to just get her dressed to go out for our mums choir group, which she usually loves.
I’m always so torn when she’s feeling uncooperative, between going at her pace and being really late (sometimes doable but not really ideal in a group situation like choir); not going out at all; or just trying to jostle her into it, which I really hate. I try to empathise, give options, just give cuddles until she’s calmer, be fair but firm, offer compromises, all the usual things, but sometimes she just has better things to do and has no interest in the fact I have somewhere I need to be.
We eventually got to choir, just in time, but afterwards we had to return a coat to a store in town and she just kept running off and climbing under and through clothes racks. She learnt this from an older kid and it’s really, really hard to get her to not bolt now the idea has been implanted. Normally, I’d wrap her on my back, but needing to try on alternative coats, I didn’t.
At one point she got stuck under a rack and I had to pull her out. Unfortunately, I caught her arm in a weird position through her coat and she stopped being able to move it, it was hanging limp and hurt when she tried to move it. I thought I’d dislocated her shoulder (and promptly cried because I felt like a terrible human and awful mother ) but thankfully it was just something called a pulled elbow which the doctor managed to relocate. It’s apparently really common in kids under 7 as the bone is smaller than the ligament in the elbow until they are older. Now it’s happened once, it’s also more likely to recur.
I’m not sure I will ever feel like a good parent ever again, it was awful. I obviously didn’t intend to hurt her, but I did and it’s probably my lowest point so far as a mum. She’s totally forgiven me and all is forgotten, but I’m not sure I can forgive myself yet.
She was all smiles with Ben on the bus home after the hospital, so I managed to photograph her feeling better. I’m going to try to focus on moving forward with this happy little girl.