Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant! Halfway to our estimated due date, or 16 weeks away if little bean arrives at the same time his sister did!
Which brings me to point number two: our baby is a boy!! He looks happy and healthy and was wiggling like crazy, but I can barely feel him moving because I have an anterior placenta, so it cushions his kicks in some positions.
I can’t begin to express the relief I feel knowing he is okay. We’ve had such an awful start to the year in so many ways, I was beginning to expect bad news.
Ever since our first baby miscarried, every appointment and scan (of which I had many with Aeryn and a few so far with little bean), there is that ever present, heart in mouth feeling that baby might not make it here after all.
Seeing Aeryn run and play and feeling her brother kick and watching him wiggle on the screen, I know that they both so easily could have never existed at all. By some quirk of biology, some misplaced cells, they might have never been conceived. By some bizarre, unfair, random event, they might never grow to term and take their first tiny breaths. Intangible and lost.
I’m not religious at all, I’m an atheist. But I certainly felt like thanking someone that everything looked okay today. It’s suddenly feeling very real and very soon.