Not every day is a good day.
Today, we tried to leave the house to head to a rally. I wanted to hear some speakers who were speaking, I was planning a nice trip for a smoothie after, nothing too strenuous. Ben was working a 12 hour day, so I was trying to fill our time with something nice, but also with a little bit of something for me as well as her.
Two hours of tantrumming, screaming, crying, hitting, yelling later, and she passed out in a heap on the floor, exhausted. We totally missed the rally and ended up not leaving the house at all, all day.
It started because I asked her to wear socks to go out. Her shoes rub her feet if she doesn’t wear socks, plus it was cold and drizzling with rain. I try to compromise and pick my battles a lot, see things from her point of view, empathise, sympathise, talk through her feelings. But she just wasn’t having it today.
An hour after screaming no and throwing herself on the floor every time I asked if she was ready to wear socks, she eventually relented. Except then, we had to get shoes on, too. And then I offered to carry her on my back because she was exhausted from screaming and would obviously not manage the walk. I didn’t even try to get her up, just offered.
Well, another hour later, and here’s the picture I took today, while I was in floods of tears and she collapsed in a heap and slept.
I took her up to bed and we had a cuddle while she slept for a few hours. She was clearly exhausted. I was exhausted. I was frustrated that we didn’t get to go out, upset that we both got so upset, frankly kind of angry that it was all over something so tiny as socks.
I wish I knew how I could have made today better than it was. Honestly, I think if Ben didn’t have to work crazy hours, she’d feel less like she needed to control everything else. I don’t have any answers right now, I’m still processing it all.
She was a lot more amenable after she slept, but we still stayed in for the rest of the day. I’d missed the rally anyway and we needed to re-connect. But how on Earth we are going to manage days and feelings like this when her brother arrives, I honestly have no idea.