This is the only photo I took today. Aeryn is riding an aeroplane to China to see Auntie Charlotte and Uncle Nick.
This was today’s only photo because we didnt have a good day. In complete honesty, Aeryn is going through some sort of developmental leap thing right now that I am really struggling with and I know it will only get worse when her brother is born.
Today is the first time I’ve actually sort of regretted being pregnant. I don’t think I’ve left a big enough age gap for her to cope well with it and I am starting to lack the energy/physical ability to deal with her effectively when she’s tantrumming/running off and not listening/wilfully defiant/screaming in my face/etc.
I feel like I’m turning into the kind of parent I hate. She’s suffering, I’m suffering, Ben is almost never around due to his weird job schedule and I don’t think having a baby will even slightly improve things right now. I just want to reconnect with my daughter and I don’t know how to, I’m in such a hormonal fog I just can’t find what I need to say or do to get us both through each difficult moment.
I’ve finally got her to tolerate being in a sling again occasionally which really helps her, but she’ll only be front carried which is starting to kill my bump and I can’t continue that when baby arrives, as he’ll be too small for my back.
I’m just a bit lost and sad and frustrated and hormonal today.
I get that I’m very lucky to be pregnant and I do love and want him. I’m just finding stuff hard right now.
Not every day on a daily blog was going to be a good one, I guess.